ZThemes

Eating people who have eaten other people is a bad idea. For starters, it’s a bad idea because you’re eating people. Why are you eating people!? But it’s also bad because it’s an effective way to transmit prion diseases.

— 'Cannibalism' by Randall Munroe (what-if.xkcd.com)

Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: I wonder if asking Ms. Chase to dance would…
Giles: For God’s sake, man, she’s 18, and you have the emotional maturity of a blueberry scone. Just have at it, would you, and stop fluttering about.

— Wesley Wyndam-Pryce and Rupert Giles, “The Prom” (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

Twitch does an amazing thing with games, doesn’t it? It took Pokemon, essentially a single-player competitive game, and made it into an amazing crowdsourced seizure. Technology at it’s finest.

— Uncle Yo, “Masquerade 2014” by AnimeNEXT (YouTube)

The average person has one ovary and one testicle.

Psychology in Modules by David G. Myers

Mom, my best friend is a Homunculus. Please get over it and stop being dumb.

— Johannus Artimus Browbeat, ‘Anything but Normal’ by Anne Camp aka Obi-quiet (FanFiction.Net)

“Now was that so hard,” you say when she’s done.

“Yes,” he huffs.

“I would literally be unconscious by now, so I guess you’re doing better than me? Congratulations.”

“I do better than you at everything.”

“Except not having near-death experiences.”

“You almost drowned.”

“…fuck.”

— Dave Strider and John Egbert, vacation by elliptical (Archive of Our Own)

TG: quick tz tell me how to calm an angry boyfriend
GC: WHY TH3 H3LL 4R3 YOU 4SK1NG M3?
TG: youre fucking karkat vantas
TG: the real question is why wouldnt i ask you
GC: GOOD PO1NT >:]

— turntechGodhead and gallowsCalibrator, vacation by elliptical (Archive of Our Own)

Hades: [sobbing over pizza]

— Hades, Olympus Overdrive by Milky and Jojo

Max: This guy’s a dick…

Hades: W-What a confusing statement…
He’s clearly a God. is “dick” a mortal colloquialism for deity? I am having a hard time getting used to this language…

Max: Judging from what I’ve seen so far, yes.
“Dick” might as well be slang for deities…

Hades: “Lord Hades: Dick of the Underworld”…
I like the sound of that!

— Max and Hades, Olympus Overdrive by Milky and Jojo

BELIEVE WHAT YOU PLEASE MORTAL! YOU’RE MAKING ME LOSE MY KITTY-LOVING FLUFFING PATIENCE!

— Hades, Olympus Overdrive by Milky and Jojo

“Strange days. In Rosenkreuz we were alone, yet these days you have family, *I* have family…. Though if one of Farfarello’s family members shows up, I’m running for the hills.”

“One of Farfarello’s? I’d join you.”

— Schuldig and Brad Crawaford, ‘Glass Houses’ by Viridian5 (LiveJournal)

Brad actually *shuddered*. He might be a coldblooded man who killed people for pleasure and money, but it still freaked him out to think of his parents having sex, which was kind of cute.

— Brad Crawford, Evelyn Crawford, and Tom Crawford, ‘Glass Houses’ by Viridian5 (LiveJournal)

They had fangs. They were biting people. They had this look in their eyes, totally cold, animal. I think they were Young Republicans.

— Andy, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Don’t ship Ichabbie? Not racist. Don’t ship Destiel? Not homophobic. Don’t ship Delicity? Not ageist. Don’t ship Fedex? Fuck off and die.

— TheOrlandoJones (Twitter)

And wouldn’t “The Odyssey” be much better if, maybe around book 23, Odysseus locked eyes with Spock?

— 'An Unforbidden Love' by Beth Marlowe (Washington Post)