Video games are great, they let you try your craziest fantasies. For example, on the sims, you can have a job and a house

I might or might not have failed catastrophically but crow fucking is weird and the internet won’t give me details

— '30 Seconds Of What The Flipping Dicks Is Up With Bird Instincts' by ookpik (Archive of Our Own)

The next morning, as they were flitting through the trees with Sasuke strapped securely to Kakashi’s back once more, Sai turned to Sasuke and offered a pleasant smile.

"I’ve read that giving someone a nickname fosters familiarity and friendship between the two parties. Is Manpain acceptable to you?"

Naruto ran into a tree. Face first, ran into it, and then slid all the way down like a bug on a glass door.

"What," Sasuke said, and again, it was really not a question.

"No? That’s all right. I’ll think of something better."

The faintest trace of horror crept across Sasuke’s face at the concept of ‘better’. From the ground, Naruto’s braying laughter came up through the branches.


— Uchiha Sasuke, Hatake Kakashi, Sai, and Uzumaki Naruto, ‘Ricochet’ by Strix 4 (FanFiction.Net)

He tries to kill a lot of people," Naruto said. "It’s how Sasuke does the feelings-thing. We’re working on it.

— Uzumaki Naruto, ‘Ricochet’ by Strix 4 (FanFiction.Net)

"Lady Tsunade’s exact orders were, ‘Godamnit Sai, go get your idiot teammates from whatever bit of shiny caught their focus. The other Kage already informed me that twelve international incidents linked to one team in a single year is an unacceptable amount, no matter how much the blonde one reminds them of a woodland creature’."

"Woodland creature," Naruto repeated, mystified.

"You prance," Sakura said helpfully.

"In my defense," Kakashi added. "I actively opposed five of those incidents."

Sakura rolled her eyes in Kakashi’s direction and asked, “Sensei, you disappeared into the forest. We found you in a cave with two bags of chocolate and Jiraya-Sensei’s newest book.”

"That is active opposition. For me."

— Sai, Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura, and Hatake Kakashi, ‘Ricochet’ by Strix 4 (FanFiction.Net)

"Stop creeping up on twitchy ninjas, Sensei," Sakura said, without looking away from the boys. "You’ll get a kunai to the face someday."

"Not from you. Too polite. Naruto, maybe. If I took his ramen or insulted the color orange or something."

— Haruno Sakura, Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke, and Hatake Kakashi, ‘Ricochet’ by Strix 4 (FanFiction.Net)

Eating people who have eaten other people is a bad idea. For starters, it’s a bad idea because you’re eating people. Why are you eating people!? But it’s also bad because it’s an effective way to transmit prion diseases.

— 'Cannibalism' by Randall Munroe (what-if.xkcd.com)

Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: I wonder if asking Ms. Chase to dance would…
Giles: For God’s sake, man, she’s 18, and you have the emotional maturity of a blueberry scone. Just have at it, would you, and stop fluttering about.

— Wesley Wyndam-Pryce and Rupert Giles, “The Prom” (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

Twitch does an amazing thing with games, doesn’t it? It took Pokemon, essentially a single-player competitive game, and made it into an amazing crowdsourced seizure. Technology at it’s finest.

— Uncle Yo, “Masquerade 2014” by AnimeNEXT (YouTube)

The average person has one ovary and one testicle.

Psychology in Modules by David G. Myers

Mom, my best friend is a Homunculus. Please get over it and stop being dumb.

— Johannus Artimus Browbeat, ‘Anything but Normal’ by Anne Camp aka Obi-quiet (FanFiction.Net)

“Now was that so hard,” you say when she’s done.

“Yes,” he huffs.

“I would literally be unconscious by now, so I guess you’re doing better than me? Congratulations.”

“I do better than you at everything.”

“Except not having near-death experiences.”

“You almost drowned.”


— Dave Strider and John Egbert, vacation by elliptical (Archive of Our Own)

TG: quick tz tell me how to calm an angry boyfriend
TG: youre fucking karkat vantas
TG: the real question is why wouldnt i ask you

— turntechGodhead and gallowsCalibrator, vacation by elliptical (Archive of Our Own)

Hades: [sobbing over pizza]

— Hades, Olympus Overdrive by Milky and Jojo

Max: This guy’s a dick…

Hades: W-What a confusing statement…
He’s clearly a God. is “dick” a mortal colloquialism for deity? I am having a hard time getting used to this language…

Max: Judging from what I’ve seen so far, yes.
“Dick” might as well be slang for deities…

Hades: “Lord Hades: Dick of the Underworld”…
I like the sound of that!

— Max and Hades, Olympus Overdrive by Milky and Jojo