I worked with a lady who carries a 1.5’ six flanged mace under her trench coat everywhere. some idiot pulled a knife on her and demanded her purse. she calmly informed him “I’ll have you know, I have a mace” and he replied “I’m not afraid of pepper spray” so she laughed and said “I didn’t say anything about pepperspray, I said A Mace” then pulled that bad boy out of her jacket. just to prove she wasn’t kidding, she rapped the guy on the knuckles (and I’d imagine, broke a couple fingers) then said “you know what? you give me YOUR wallet” she still has it in fact, she even showed it to me.
— Amoryl (mcarterbrown.com)
"Hey, guys!" Jade called out as she approached, dripping everywhere. Dirk handed her a towel; she started rubbing briskly. "What are we talking about?"
"Incest, clonecest, and whether I’d tap Bro’s ass."
Dave stopped walking to stare. Jade just nodded cheerfully. “Okay!”
— Jade Harley, Dirk Strider, and Dave Strider, ‘Battlefield Terra’ by Asuka Kureru (Askerian) (Archive of Our Own)
JANE: To whom are you talking?
JAKE: Brain ghost dirk.
JANE: Brain… Ghost Dirk?
JANE: You are lying.
JAKE: No im not!
JANE: Brain Ghost Dirk sounds almost as fake as he is completely made up.
JANE: Oh, for goodness’ sake.
— Jane Crocker and Jake English, Homestuck by Andrew Hussie
DV: i know how you yearn to make out with your new space boyfriend but no just no
DV: ps we have to sit on that couch no defiling the couch
JH: bit too late for that one! whoops.
JH: i didn’t mean defiling the couch.
RS: Is that supposed to be better or worse?
— Dave Strider, John Egbert, and Rose Lalonde, ‘Battlefield Terra’ by Asuka Kureru (Askerian) (Archive of Our Own)
DAVE: youre flipping out about the prospect of telling me about something youre flipping out about
DAVE: only you could manage to pull that off good job
— Dave Strider, ‘human card games’ by doxian (Archive of Our Own)
"Dean," Charlie says after a moment of Sam and Charlie feeling awkward (although Sam has the look of the martyr about him), “have you heard of the internet phenomenon called Destiel?"
Dean’s nose wrinkles. “What’s that, a foot fungus?”
"Yeah. That’s what it is."
— Charlie Bradbury, Sam Winchester, and Dean Winchester, ‘to boldly (kinda sorta) go’ by mishcollin (Archive of Our Own)
DIRK: What would I even talk about?
ARQUIUSPRITE: I advise you to talk about your interests
ARQUIUSPRITE: Like dairy
ARQUIUSPRITE: Fine art
ARQUIUSPRITE: And muscles
DIRK: Those are your interests.
ARQUIUSPRITE: Good point
ARQUIUSPRITE: I advise you to talk about my interests
— Dirk Strider and ARquiusprite, Homestuck by Andrew Hussie
Wondering then why you kissed her, and felt compelled to drive an hour in the snow to tell me about it.
— Hannibal Lecter, “Fromage” (Hannibal)
Dean,” Cas said with deliberate emphasis, “you cannot comprehend the joy one can find in watching a cat try to fight its way out of a towel.
— Agent Castiel Novak, ‘Shake, Rattle and Roll’ by Ealasaid (Archive of Our Own)
Jace was looking at her incredulously. “Let me get this straight,” he said. “You came here to apologize to me?”
She was taken aback. “Of course I did.”
"Clary," he said. "You saved my life."
"I stabbed you. With a massive sword. You caught on fire.”
His lips twitched, almost imperceptibly. “Okay,” he said. “So maybe our problems aren’t like other couples’.”
— Jace Lightwood and Clarissa Adele Fray, City of Lost Souls by Cassandra Clare
"If it was up to me, I would elope to Vegas and have a fifty-dollar pirate-themed wedding with Elvis presiding."
"I could be the wench of honor," Clary suggested. She looked at Simon expectantly. "And you could be…"
"Oh, no," he said. "I am a hipster. I am too cool for themed weddings."
"You play D and D. You’re a geek," she corrected him fondly."
"Geek is chic," Simon declared. "Ladies love nerds."
— Luke Garroway, Clarissa Adele Fray, and Simon Lewis, City of Lost Souls by Cassandra Clare